The Cracking Open of Our Collective Heart

We are grieving as a collective. Perhaps in a way we never have. Perhaps in a way that we have needed to for so long. Perhaps in a way that will change the game.

The pandemic ripped apart the world as we knew it. We had to recalibrate. Redefine what it means to live, relate, work and exist in the world. And as we did, many of us were forced to look at the systems, relationships, and coping strategies that weren’t working for us. Sit with our discomfort. Own our dysfunction. And slowly redraw the map. Or speedily explode our world and begin again. We had to acknowledge where we were disempowered, reach into the angry parts of ourselves that did not accept our situation, and travel the arc of anger to find our power. Our power to create something different.

This rebuilding and recalibrating phase has just begun. Collectively, it may take us some decades to truly co-create a different world. But it seems there is a clear commitment to forging a path towards greater wellbeing and equality. We can feel it in the way we are starting to look after ourselves and engage with each other. The rising of empathy and compassion at work. Discussions on inclusion and belonging. And in the authentic bellows about mental health and wellbeing that are peppering our social feeds. We are in the midst of great change.

Just as we have begun to recover and reclaim some form of equilibrium (at least a hint of it), and establish a new way to be here, war broke out.

Every one of us is witnessing the gross injustice of oppression. Inequality. Aggression.

And most of us are sitting on the edge of the world, in our safe houses, completely powerless to intervene. To make it better. To change the narrative. So wherever we sit, to some degree we are powerless and oppressed (whether we choose to acknowledge it or not).

Oppression is the greatest hallmark of trauma.

Our response to powerlessness can be varied depending on our unique organizing principles. However, three key emotions will naturally be stirred. 1) Anger 2) Grief 3) Confusion. The connecting thought is something akin to:

 ‘It’s not fair. How can this be happening?’ 

And that’s what many of us are feeling right now.

‘How can our world be so unjust?’

‘How can humans violate and hurt each other in this way?’

It doesn’t make sense. It boggles the brain and pierces the heart.

This is heartbreak.

The experience of heartbreak is complex and therefore can be hard to pull apart and process. Naming it is the first step.

Heartbreak contains a devastating blend of violation, neglect, and betrayal.

Our response is often to compartmentalize it, shove it down, and soldier on. Because it’s too much to bear.

War as a Trauma Trigger

For those of us who have lived through any kind of relational trauma or cultural oppression, the current situation may be triggering our past experiences of violation, neglect, and betrayal. Of heartbreak.

The lack of support and care is perhaps the most difficult piece to process.

 ‘Why isn’t anyone coming to save me/us/them’?’

‘Where are the protectors? The heroes?’

In the case of trauma, there were no protectors. No saviors. No white knights to rescue us and take us to a haven of care and rehabilitation. (If there had been, the effects of the trauma would have been partially counteracted by the care).

‘No one is coming to save me/us/them’.

This harsh truth is the trigger for the most immense grief. The knowing that we are all alone in the world and that no one is coming to save us.

What’s happening in the world right now is illuminating the fact that many of us have been oppressed our whole lives. It’s been traveling down family and cultural lines for generations. And that the people in power, whether its governments, employers, or family have not lived up to their responsibility to protect us.

As we process the immensity of this, there is only one way forward.

Healing & Power Redistribution as the Remedy

Our broken hearts need healing. We need to gather our power. Our life force. Our best intentions. And change this messed up world.

How do we do this?

Oppression arises from an imbalance of power.

So, the remedy is to co-create a world where power sits in its rightful place and is harnessed to empower (rather than disempower). This is an epic task. It perhaps seems too big for any one of us to begin to take on.

But we can. Through our own embodiment.

We begin by grieving the loss of power. By starting to understand our own relationship to power. If we have it, we need to learn to use it well. If we don’t have it, we need to learn to reclaim it, perhaps in microscopic increments. Small choices. Better boundaries. Accountability for our personal expression and relational exchanges.

This is where we begin. By mending our broken hearts. Being mindful of the broken hearts around us. And restoring the balance of power.